Edward and Jacob continue to romantically woo/tyrannically control Bella

Fans swoon as Robert Pattinson sparkles! Hearts thump as Taylor Lautner shuns superfluous garments! And I was right there in the thick of it all at Eclipse‘s opening night, lining up to watch sexy vampires and  six-packed werewolves battle it out for the love of one inexplicably lucky human girl (you’d think that would be enough to get Kristen Stewart smiling once in a while).

In the interest of brevity, let’s try to disregard the fact that I’m a theoretical adult and still fangirling over Twilight. Instead, let’s take a look at this mythical love triangle between Edward, Bella, and Jacob, shall we?

As a true fan (or freak, whatever), I diligently read all four books in Stephenie Meyer’s vampire series, so I was fully aware of what was to unfold onscreen in Eclipse. But seeing the action come to life reminded me of how disturbingly disconcerting some of the story’s romantic details really are.

Now remember, I’m saying all this as the most dedicated Twilight addict this side of the quarter-century age mark. I love the ridiculously contrived dialogue and the debatably unreadable prose. But let’s be honest here: Edward is kind of a possessive jerk and Jacob is pretty much a creepy perv. Now hold up! Don’t throw blunt objects at my head yet! Let’s break it down. Continue reading →